I Now Love Attending Weddings

My husband and I attended our friend’s wedding last night. In the past, I actually hated attending weddings because deep inside, jealousy was eating me. I was jealous of the bride and insecure of myself; sometimes questioning why nobody proposed to me seriously. In all fairness to my exes, the first one proposed at the worst timing and the second one gave me false hopes year after year. If you could consider that hilarious, then maybe we are on the same wavelength because I could laugh at that now.

I was the so-called “always the bridesmaid but never the bride.” Call it obsession but I have always wanted to have a family of my own. I have always wanted to have a happy family than a big career, a grand house or fancy cars. A big career, grand house and fancy cars are material things that I could achieve and be taken away from me but a happy family is my security blanket, my source of pride and inspiration.

My own wedding was not perfect. There were many behind-the-scenes that I could now laugh at. Miel and I were the only ones attending to the needs of our visitors. I am talking about the pre-wedding visitors like our relatives who were not familiar with our place, the make up artists that we failed to serve lunch and so on and so forth. I lost a lot of weight a month before the wedding and I was advised not to have my wedding gown repaired because it could take a lot of time for the modista, eh baka mabitin pa! You could just imagine paano uminit ang ulo ko nung isuot ko na at napakaluwag sa akin, mahuhubo pa ata! Then my husband teased me about it. Yes, he saw me while being made up clad in my wedding gown. My mother was very apologetic of my bitchy behavior and reprimanded me in front of my bridesmaids.
“Aba, may oras pa para mag-back out ka kung sa umpisa pa lang ganyan na kayo! Pasensyahan, mainit ang ulo araw ng kasal!”
My aunt justified my bitchiness by telling the bridesmaids that I might be very tired because of the wedding preparation.

Then at the church, during the marching, I could feel my gown going down. I stopped for a while and quickly fixed it. Because the gown had a long train, I could not maneuver my marching. Ambigat-bigat ng gown ko with all those layers of cloth and stones attached to it.

We were expecting 250 guests at the reception but only 150-180 made it so there was a lot of food for everybody. Yun nga lang, the caterer did not provide a presentable supot for the principal sponsors’ pabaon.

I dream of walking the aisle again with my husband in 2019. I want us to renew our wedding vows every 10 years. That should be attended by close friends and family. For the meantime, I will be happy attending weddings because I am no longer the green-eyed monster who secretly wishes to trade places with the bride. =)

June Bride?

I. Pre-Pamamanhikan

Miel prepared well for the pamamanhikan. We started our Sunday by going to the chapel to hear the minister’s text. He seemed so relaxed at the chapel. We met Zaldy, a convert like me. He converted his faith to INC because of his girlfriend. I told him that I had a somewhat similar experience but I decided to be converted not because of Miel but because of my own freewill. After our worship, Miel and I had some doughnuts and coffee at Mr. Donut. It was the best doughnut I ever had because I was with the man that I would soon marry.

We went home to my apartment and prepared the things that we needed for our travel. We took some pictures while inside the bus. We reached home at 12:10 PM. I introduced my fiance’ to my mother, brother and daughter. There was no tension. Everyone was calm. My father was not yet around when we arrived.

Miel and I ate the delicious kare-kare prepared by my mother. It was so yummy; I forgot that I was on a diet. After eating, we went to the living room to join my mother and daughter watching “House of Wax.”

Everyone was consumed on his/her watching; we temporarily forgot what we’re there for. My father arrived and I introduced Miel to him. Miel kissed his hand as a sign of respect. I did not notice if he did the same to my mother earlier.

3:00 PM, we went to the mall to find an internet shop. I could have sent my e-mail on my laptop but the wireless was not functioning well. I introduced Miel to Larry, a neighbor and a childhood acquaintance. Larry runs the internet shop.

We went to have a light snack at Jollibee afterwards. He was amazed at the big number of customers there. After there, we went to buy cake at Goldilocks and ice cream at a grocery store.

At home, he had a chance to bond with Changki. They seemed to get along well. My daughter has been looking for a father figure. She knows that her grandfather is not her father and her real father is not fatherly to her.

II. Pamamanhikan

I could have by-passed my parents in the decision-making for my wedding preparation but being a dutiful daughter and a good Filipino, I followed the tradition. Miel good friend, Ate Jenny, suggested to bring a minister for the pamamanhikan since his father is in Cebu. I told him that we don’t need a minister because my family is Catholic.

After dinner, I asked my then irritable father to sit down with Miel and I for a conversation. (Earlier, Miel was praying very hard for God’s guidance.) My father was mad at the start; my mother was just playing it cool.

Miel said his intention, that is, to formally ask for my hand. My father was unreasonably sarcastic. He was intimidating Miel with his .45 calibre gun. Miel was relaxed. He didn’t show signs of fear or disrespect.  My father did not agree to the February wedding. He said that it was too soon. I told him that I no longer believe in long-term engagement after two failed long-term relationships.

There were three tactics that Miel and I tried to do to persuade my parents:

1. Paawa (Pity-Me Effect) Effect- “My mother is long dead so she won’t disagree to my wedding. My father has his own life, too.” ~ Miel to my father.

2. Taray  Effect -“Pa, you think I’ll buy that long-term engagement thing? I’ve been through two failed long-term relationships but did it work?” ~ me to my father.

3. Pa-guilty Effect- “I have fears of being infertile. What if I couldn’t give him a child? So I need to get married on February!” ~me to my parents.

All those three tactics didn’t work. Their reply?

“What’s the difference between getting married in February and getting married in December?” they both asked.

Me and Miel whispering to each other “We just can’t wait!”

III. The agreement

So my parents did not like a February wedding. They suggested a December wedding. Miel had other plans—a June wedding.

“Honey, December is too long. Let’s make it June,” said Miel to me.

“Okay, we’ll make it June,” I said. I winked at him and proceeded talking with my parents.

IV. Realizations

I learned that Miel loves me very much. As the great Francisco Balagtas said, “O, pag-ibig nasok sa puso ninoman. Hahamakin ang lahat masunod ka lamang!” Miel loves me very much. He would cheat death just to be with me.

I learned that Miel could love his in-laws and my daughter.

I learned that Miel dreams to build his future with me, Changki and our future kid/s.

Most importantly, I learned that I have fallen in love so much with my husband-to-be. 🙂

Meet My Parents

“Honey, pasenya ka na kung parang madaming usisero sa atin. Ganun yata pag friendly ang tao, maraming gustong makaalam ng nangyayari sa buhay ko,” I explained to Miel as he was reading my text messages from friends and acquaintances who learned about our engagement.

He said that he’s not used to that kind of attention. Ever since we became a couple, his private life was exposed to people with different intentions of knowing the why’s and the how’s in our relationship. I told him that he could always remain discreet of his private life without offending them.

I know where his discomfort is coming from. He’s just a simple person with a limited crowd. His crowd belongs mainly to his religious affiliation. On the other hand, I grew up exposed to different crowds: politicos, religious groups, istambay sa kanto, coño, jologs–name it, I was exposed to it!

His greatest challenge so far is meeting my parents this coming weekends. He’s not used to doing it. He’s been practicing how to speak and act for the pamamanhikan.

Ate Ams gave me some tips for the pamamanhikan. I don’t know if it’s applicable to us. I am just so excited. Ewan ko. This is it! Pray for us!