The Ex and the Present

I cleaned my closet last night. I got rid of PV’s things, mostly underwears. Memories of our happy days reminded me. For some strange reasons, I missed him so much.

I know I have to get rid of his memories. But the love is deeply engrained in my heart; it just can’t fade away. Maybe if it was not a one-way street, I would have been the happiest person on this planet. He said that he loved me, that he was serious on me; but he never did the loving things that is expected from a lover.

Miel, my present boyfriend and fiance’, and I went to the chapel early this morning. It was my 2nd time to wake up that early and go to the chapel with a lover. The 1st time was with Changki’s dad way back in 1998.

I feel so secured when I’m with Miel. Sometimes, I can feel that I still love PV but I can also feel that I’m falling for Miel each day.

June Bride?

I. Pre-Pamamanhikan

Miel prepared well for the pamamanhikan. We started our Sunday by going to the chapel to hear the minister’s text. He seemed so relaxed at the chapel. We met Zaldy, a convert like me. He converted his faith to INC because of his girlfriend. I told him that I had a somewhat similar experience but I decided to be converted not because of Miel but because of my own freewill. After our worship, Miel and I had some doughnuts and coffee at Mr. Donut. It was the best doughnut I ever had because I was with the man that I would soon marry.

We went home to my apartment and prepared the things that we needed for our travel. We took some pictures while inside the bus. We reached home at 12:10 PM. I introduced my fiance’ to my mother, brother and daughter. There was no tension. Everyone was calm. My father was not yet around when we arrived.

Miel and I ate the delicious kare-kare prepared by my mother. It was so yummy; I forgot that I was on a diet. After eating, we went to the living room to join my mother and daughter watching “House of Wax.”

Everyone was consumed on his/her watching; we temporarily forgot what we’re there for. My father arrived and I introduced Miel to him. Miel kissed his hand as a sign of respect. I did not notice if he did the same to my mother earlier.

3:00 PM, we went to the mall to find an internet shop. I could have sent my e-mail on my laptop but the wireless was not functioning well. I introduced Miel to Larry, a neighbor and a childhood acquaintance. Larry runs the internet shop.

We went to have a light snack at Jollibee afterwards. He was amazed at the big number of customers there. After there, we went to buy cake at Goldilocks and ice cream at a grocery store.

At home, he had a chance to bond with Changki. They seemed to get along well. My daughter has been looking for a father figure. She knows that her grandfather is not her father and her real father is not fatherly to her.

II. Pamamanhikan

I could have by-passed my parents in the decision-making for my wedding preparation but being a dutiful daughter and a good Filipino, I followed the tradition. Miel good friend, Ate Jenny, suggested to bring a minister for the pamamanhikan since his father is in Cebu. I told him that we don’t need a minister because my family is Catholic.

After dinner, I asked my then irritable father to sit down with Miel and I for a conversation. (Earlier, Miel was praying very hard for God’s guidance.) My father was mad at the start; my mother was just playing it cool.

Miel said his intention, that is, to formally ask for my hand. My father was unreasonably sarcastic. He was intimidating Miel with his .45 calibre gun. Miel was relaxed. He didn’t show signs of fear or disrespect.  My father did not agree to the February wedding. He said that it was too soon. I told him that I no longer believe in long-term engagement after two failed long-term relationships.

There were three tactics that Miel and I tried to do to persuade my parents:

1. Paawa (Pity-Me Effect) Effect- “My mother is long dead so she won’t disagree to my wedding. My father has his own life, too.” ~ Miel to my father.

2. Taray  Effect -“Pa, you think I’ll buy that long-term engagement thing? I’ve been through two failed long-term relationships but did it work?” ~ me to my father.

3. Pa-guilty Effect- “I have fears of being infertile. What if I couldn’t give him a child? So I need to get married on February!” ~me to my parents.

All those three tactics didn’t work. Their reply?

“What’s the difference between getting married in February and getting married in December?” they both asked.

Me and Miel whispering to each other “We just can’t wait!”

III. The agreement

So my parents did not like a February wedding. They suggested a December wedding. Miel had other plans—a June wedding.

“Honey, December is too long. Let’s make it June,” said Miel to me.

“Okay, we’ll make it June,” I said. I winked at him and proceeded talking with my parents.

IV. Realizations

I learned that Miel loves me very much. As the great Francisco Balagtas said, “O, pag-ibig nasok sa puso ninoman. Hahamakin ang lahat masunod ka lamang!” Miel loves me very much. He would cheat death just to be with me.

I learned that Miel could love his in-laws and my daughter.

I learned that Miel dreams to build his future with me, Changki and our future kid/s.

Most importantly, I learned that I have fallen in love so much with my husband-to-be. 🙂

Meet My Parents

“Honey, pasenya ka na kung parang madaming usisero sa atin. Ganun yata pag friendly ang tao, maraming gustong makaalam ng nangyayari sa buhay ko,” I explained to Miel as he was reading my text messages from friends and acquaintances who learned about our engagement.

He said that he’s not used to that kind of attention. Ever since we became a couple, his private life was exposed to people with different intentions of knowing the why’s and the how’s in our relationship. I told him that he could always remain discreet of his private life without offending them.

I know where his discomfort is coming from. He’s just a simple person with a limited crowd. His crowd belongs mainly to his religious affiliation. On the other hand, I grew up exposed to different crowds: politicos, religious groups, istambay sa kanto, coño, jologs–name it, I was exposed to it!

His greatest challenge so far is meeting my parents this coming weekends. He’s not used to doing it. He’s been practicing how to speak and act for the pamamanhikan.

Ate Ams gave me some tips for the pamamanhikan. I don’t know if it’s applicable to us. I am just so excited. Ewan ko. This is it! Pray for us!

Joint Friendster Account

Miel told me about his Friendster account which his ex-girlfriend made for him. The ex-gf knew his email password and of course, the Friendster log in password. I checked his profile and to my disgust, the ex-gf’s testimonial was still there!

I told Miel about it and asked him to delete it OR I’m gonna add ALL my exes including ex-dates. My Friendster account was clean of ex-bf’s and ex-dates. I got the idea from an ex-bf who never added me on Friendster. That hurt me though.

Miel gave me the go signal to delete his account. I suggested that since we’re getting married soon, then we should have a joint Friendster account. In this way, we would be transparent in our relationship. He could always delete those guys that he doesn’t feel like being in our Friend’s list or I could always reject those girls that I don’t feel like adding in our Friend’s list.

I came from a six-year secretive relationship. It was opaque. I want a transparent relationship with Miel. A relationship that I would feel I’m really part of.

We’re Open

I decided to tell Miel how I feel whenever I don’t get his full attention. (see previous post) I was hesitant at first so I assessed what I was really feeling at the time jealousy hit me. I wasn’t really jealous of his previous relationships. I wasn’t really jealous whenever he talks with someone. I wasn’t really jealous of his female friends. I realized, I just wanted his full attention. I realized that I don’t want to feel out of place.

I sent him a text message. It could make or break his day.

Me: Honey, I have something to tell you but I’m not sure how you will react. This is my first time to tell a boyfriend how I feel about something.

He: Okay, tell me.

Me: Honey, it annoys me and sometimes, hurts me whenever I don’t get your full attention. I feel out of place whenever you talk with acquaintances and I’m left in the background.

He: Actually, I feel the same way, too. Now that I know that we both feel the same, I won’t do it anymore. I’m yours exclusively, honey.

Me: You’re not mad? Why are you not mad?

He: It’s better if we tell each other how we feel no matter how good or bad.

Me: I’m not used to it. The last relationship did not allow me to express.

He: I love you, honey. I’m a gentleman. I won’t be dishonest to you.

Me: Thank you, honey.

He: For what?

Me: For loving me.

He: I love you so much.

Me: I so love you, too!

Happy ending. =)