It’s been a year and a half
Of a topsy turvy life.
Wishing for a miracle
And blessings that others would sprinkle
Some take it as a gamble
Praying that they would not stumble
Hoping for a smooth journey
To provide well for their family
Some gained weight and others lose
Some are in misery while others rejoice
A few wonder about what life really is
Children are clueless about the world that they miss
Most of us dream of an end to all of these
And return to the days of fun and bliss
While we are not there yet
Let’s hold on to our faith
Be good to everyone
Play fair in the best way you can
Life is uncertain
No one knows our final curtain
Always be a good person
With love and smile memories to leave on
Isa’t kalahating taon
Umaasa sa himala
Ang iba’y sa pagpapala
May mga sumusugal
Tanging baon ay dasal
Upang pamilya’y matustusan
May nanaba, may namayat
May namighati, may nagalak
May nagkabati, may naghiwalay
May napapaisip sa buhay kung ano ang saysay
Mga sanggol kailan lang
Natigil ang mundo sa tahanan
Kinalakhan ang bagong normal
May nangangarap ng katapusan
Ng pandemya’t karamdaman
Sa mga panahong sa pasyal ay hitik
Habang tayo’y wala pa doon
Kumapit lang sa Panginoon
Maging mabuti sa kapwa
Wag magsamantala’t mangawawa
Dahil buhay nati’y walang katiyakan
Sabi nga’y una-una lang
Maging mabuting tao lagi
Mag-iwan ng pagmamahal at ngiti
I wrote this poem when I was feeling blue. People who personally know me could attest to the many trials that I went through this year. Of course, it is never my nature to announce what’s inside my mind if it involves other people. I avoid telling my issues while I’m on top of my emotions, too.
Without going to the delicate details, I want to share pieces of my unfortunate 2020 and how I managed to trust in the process, forgive, and move on.
Before the pandemic, I lived my life as I programmed it to be. I was a busy mother and a career woman. My father depended on me since my mother passed away a decade ago. I had a huge responsibility both at home and at work. I enjoyed life, no matter how challenging it was occasionally. Friends were there whenever boredom struck. You know, I thought that it was the kind of friendship that would stand the test of times.
Honestly, I was my usual calm self when the Luzon lockdown started. I believed that the lockdown was for the best interest of the majority. Besides, I thought that it would only be temporary. I pretended to be wary of the impending economic crisis in March whenever my close friend in Malaysia opened up about her worries. I believed that the situation was under control and yes, it would just be a little sacrifice before we all get back to normal.
During the third week of the Luzon lockdown, my father succumbed to a heart attack. To make matters worse, the Covid protocol in both our provinces became more strict so I had no choice but to attend his burial through the video call. Until now, I get teary-eyed whenever I remember that day. My father’s death was sudden and without good-byes. Partially, I regret not being able to have spent more time with him because I was busy making money to support him. On the brighter side, I knew that he understood my physical absences, and had Covid did not happen, I planned to spend more time with him in the province starting 2020. I started when I went to visit him in February for his birthday.
To lessen my grief, I attended online training courses on Social Media Management, Search Engine Optimization, Social Media Marketing and even Blogging from May to June. I needed to keep myself busy and productive. I registered to jobhunting sites that provide home-based employment for me to know what employers look for in a candidate. It was also around this time when uncertainties about my employment status arose.
I have always been a career-woman and a family woman rolled into one. There were instances when family occasions had to take a back seat because of the demands of my job and my family understood it. My job was the source of my motivation that I could achieve anything in life as long as I had it. Personally and professionally, I got along with anybody at work, they were my second family. Naturally, when I felt that I was about to lose my second family, my initial reactions were grief and sadness. In between my professional issues and mourning for my father’s death, there were other painful incidents that I’d rather not talk about.
What helped me during the uncertain times were the support group that I had like my online mommy group and of course, my family and real friends. They say that misery loves company. It was during my lowest points in life when I gained new friends that have similar situations as mine. I reached out to people, gave pieces of advice when asked, and then surrendered all my worries to the Lord.
I always tell my new friends to “trust in the process” no matter how bad it seems to be. Of course, we need to forgive the people or circumstances that led us to this situation. When we forgive, we provide closure to the incident and so we don’t feel as haunted as before. When we trust in the process and believe that good things will come out of it later, we learn to move on and look forward to what life has to offer.
Despite the pains that 2020 caused me, I still believe that there are good reasons why I shed a lot of tears this year. Let us also be kinder to one another because we don’t know what we are going through these days. May we all have a better 2021!
PS: If you liked my poem, please share this post. Let us spread positivity! 🙂
If I would live my life over again, I would still choose to be the same me, a better me.
I would still walk the same pathway but with confidence and caution.
I would still meet the same friends; good friends or bad friends.
I would spend more time with my good friends to create more memories.
And would be understanding to those friends who turned their back on me.
If I would live my life over again, I would still choose my imperfect life.
I would still love the same people but I would have reserved more love for myself.
I would still choose the same parents, siblings, grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles.
But I would be a better daughter, sister, granddaughter, cousin, niece.
If I would live my life again, my first, second and third love would be the same.
I would never change the circumstances of each affair because if I would live my life
again, I want to have my present kids as my kids for my second life.
A giver takes delight in giving
Because giving is like her second life
A giver will give her all even when left with nothing
Because giving is her mission
A giver not only gives but also listens
Because listening is giving
A giver is prone to depression
When she hits the rock bottom
A giver needs a floater to survive
Because we are human, too
We want to be given affection
When nothing is left of what we gave away
A giver’s case is misleading
Because people are used to receiving
A giver needs assurance, too
When there are tough times to conquer