The Good In Good-bye

When I was younger, I used to get hurt over people leaving me. Good-bye was something that I hated. The pain was too much for me to handle. I felt useless.

Somebody from grade school asked me if we could be friends then. I gave her my best but unfortunately, she thought that the friendship was a mismatch. She wrote me a letter to tell me that the friendship was over. I did not cry; I just accepted that maybe, we were really a mismatch.

Two decades later, the friendship was rekindled and I thought that being adults, we could establish a deeper level of friendship this time. I had the best times of my life in her company. Then we got busy with our personal lives and never resumed the friendship. In my heart, I knew it was her second good-bye. I was very hurt the second time she turned her back on me.

She was not the first to say good-bye to me. Include my ex-boyfriend and the people who I thought considered me as part of their life. I was very emotional before about good-byes.

Now that I’m older, I realize that there is actually good in good-bye. If two people can’t connect with each other and only one is willing to compromise, it’s better to say good-bye. Somebody much deserving will be given to replace them.

The good in good-bye is accepting that there’s  nothing we can do to make a person stay and those who stayed deserve our love and loyalty. Don’t cry over those who left. Rejoice over those who stayed.

Season of Split Up

Ouch! That hurts!

Ouch! That hurts!

What do Angel Locsin and Philyounghusband, Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom, Jennylyn Mercado and Luis Manzano, Cristine Reyes and Derek Ramsey, Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth, Sheree and Gian Magdangal, LJ Reyes and Paulo Avelino, Sunshine Cruz and Cesar Montano, Claudine Baretto and Raymart Santiago and Nikki Gil and Billy Crawford have in common? Yeah right, these couples are no longer together. What’s with 2013? This year must be a year of split ups.

One day you see these couple acting sweet and the next day, their love for each other is gone. I don’t believe in the “it’s a mutual decision to end our relationship” press release. In the first place, I never believed that love stands on a fulcrum; one of the couple will love more and give more while the other will love less and receive more. In ending a relationship, one will definitely do the first move and the other one will just agree but ending the relationship does not necessarily mean that it is a mutual decision. From the point of view of the initiator, declaring it as a mutual decision will probably ease all guilt feelings while from the receiver’s perspective, it’s like putting on a brave front.

In the case of Paulo and LJ, Orlando and Miranda, Raymart and Claudine and Cesar and Sunshine, the split up becomes complicated when there are children involved. Maybe the separation will not be traumatic to first two pairs’ children mentioned because they seem to be working on being civil with each other but the last two pairs look like they need to raise the white flag, if only for the sake of their offsprings.

Ah, love is really magical. Just when you thought that you have found the right partner and live with him/her, love slips away the moment you realize that there’s nothing really special about your other half. Love is magical and blinding in the sense that you need to dissect it a little deeper for you to take hold of it once more. That is why love is said to be accepting, hence, learning to love a person at his worst.

Love is about loyalty, very simple. There would be a thousand colors in the spectrum but I would always choose celadon green to be my favorite color, yeah, the most special one. The problem with committed couples is, they can’t decide which color to pick on.

Oon Myung…

(Korean: Original)
Sarangeul jal moreugesseo
Ireohge dagaol jul nan molrasseo

Nae maeumjochado sarang apeseoneun nae tteusdaero andwae
ireol jul alassdeoramyeon
Cheombuteo shijakhajido anhasseo

Babocheoreom ijewaseoya nan dwineujeun huhoereul hago isseo
Niga sarangi doeji anhgireul bileosseo
Neomaneun jeoldaero anigireul bileosseo

Neon sarangi anilgeorago sudo eobshi nareul sokyeowasseo
Jamshi seuchyeoganeun inyeonigil baraesseo
Apeun sanghcoman naege namgyeojiltenikka
Hajiman almyeonseodo neoui modeun geoshi yokshimina
Jakku seulpeojyeo

Jalmosdoen shijakirago
Geureohge swipge saeng-gak haesseossneunde

Eonjedeun beoril su isseulgeorago nan miteosseossneunde
Eotteohge nan haeya halji eodiseo buteoga jalmosdoen geonji

Ni sarangeul pihaeya haneunde
Ni modeunge neomu geuriwojyeo

Niga sarangi doeji anhgireul bileosseo
Neomaneun jeoldaero anigireul bileosseo
Neon sarangi anilgeorago sudo eobshi nareul sokyeowasseo
Jamshi seuchyeoganeun inyeonigil baraesseo
Apeun sangcheoman naege namgyeojiltenikka
Hajiman almyeonseodo neoui modeun geoshi yokshimina

Ijen neo animyeon amu-uimi eobsneunde
Ije nado nareul eojjeolsuga eobsneunde
Neoreul jiwoyaman handaneun sashildeuli oneuldo nal

Deo himdeulge hae

English translation:

I don’t really know love
I didn’t know it’d come like this

I can’t seem to control my heart when it comes to love
I wouldn’t have started if I knew it’d be like this

Now that it’s too late to turn back, I’m having regrets
I hoped you wouldn’t be love
I hoped that you wouldn’t be my love

I told myself I didn’t love you
I hoped we were just passing acquaintances
Because all I’ll have left is pain
But even so, I want you
It’s making me sad

A wrong start.
That’s all I saw it as

I believed I could let you go any time
I don’t know what went wrong

I have to avoid your love
But I long for you

I hoped you wouldn’t be love
I hoped that you wouldn’t be my love

I told myself I didn’t love you
I hoped we were just passing acquaintances
Because all I’ll have left is pain
But even so, I want you
It’s making me sad

Now I’m nothing without you
I can’t do anything about it
Knowing that I must erase you…
Makes my life harder

I don’t know what’s with this song and why I’m inclined to listen to it during rainy seasons. In my earlier post, I said that there is always one song that I associate with a person close to my heart. Oon Myung is one.

I met this wonderful guy months after my boyfriend broke up with me. (Now I can say that. Before, I used to think that it was a mutual decision.) We shared the same interests like photography and swimming. We communicate with each other everyday. We shared dreams and fears. He listened to my storied and so did I to him. We were almost a couple until he stopped seeing me.

I tried to find out his sudden change of heart. If we couldn’t be a couple, then maybe we could be friends. After months of trying to win him back, I just gave up. Shit happens at the least expected time.

The worst part was I missed him a lot. I don’t know how he viewed our little friendship and how he thought of me as a person to just ruin everything. But who needs an answer if everything just went clueless? I wish we were just plain acquaintances. Then I can talk about him sans any trace of our special past.

I Miss You, I’m Sorry, I Love You

I miss my friends. Terribly. I miss those friends whom I used to exchange life updates. I miss the small talks, the little gossips and funny chats. I miss my late mother. I miss talking with her about anything under the sun. I miss laughing at our own silly mistakes. I miss my late grandmother who taught me how to love unconditionally.

I’m sorry for not having enough time for my kids because their mom is a busy careerwoman. I’m sorry for not having enough time to visit my friends and relatives in the province. I’m sorry for being too stubborn to my husband at times.

I love you, my brothers and father. Nothing has changed when I got married. You can still count on me and you know that.

I love you, my children even if I appear too strict at times (specially to the older one).

I love you, Miel. It’s the reason why I chose you among the rest–you’re simply the kind of person who I can share my bad side with. I deleted my past in the story of my life when I decided to start my life with you.

The Love As I View It Five Years Ago

Why is loving so difficult to do?
Because to love is to risk not being loved in return.
Because to love is to risk not being treated the way we want to be treated.
Because love is to risk being hurt, being rejected, being disillusioned.

How many years will you have to wait before you let go of a person?
Some people easily let go of a person once they sense that the relationship
won’t work.
Some people continue to hold on for years until they realize that he’s/she’s not
the person she’d/he’d like to be with
for the rest of her/his life.
Some people hope that things will be better until he/she realize that he/she
spent a lifetime of pain and
emotional suffering to his/her partner.

Love is a two-way process but there is no such thing as equality in love.
If you can measure its equality, then, it is not love. You will just have to
feel that somebody
in the relationship is more on the giving or receiving end without necessarily
measuring love per se.

There is no such thing as an ideal relationship because there is no perfect
person or perfect set up.
The best thing that we can do is just to take the person as he/she is and to
take the set up as it is.
But love should never be the sole reason to keep on understanding a partner’s
It is not healthy for the couple to keep on staying on a one-sided relationship.
Understanding is only applicable to a partner who is willing to compromise.
Meet half-ways. Don’t be a martyr in love just because you have so much love to
If you tolerate his/her annoying actions, you contribute more to his/her

Love is not about choosing who over whom or choosing who over what.
In love, security is always a factor to keep you from holding on.
Lack of security leads to doubt. Doubt leads to lack of trust.
Lack of trust leads to lack of security and the cycle continues.
Both of you must know where to stand in a relationship. Don’t play mind games;
call a spade a spade
because a spade could never be an ace.

Nobody knows the future. Not even the stars or the oracle. The future is like a
running water
with no direction or form. Why do you have to think about the future when the
present is more important?
People are too worried about the future. They are worried about how many bucks
they’re going to make by
the time they are 30. They are worried about when to marry or when to have a
child.They are worried about the superficialities of life.
People can be so intelligent yet so dumb. The present is the preparation towards
the future.
So many lovers prepare too much for the future, neglecting their partner’s
feelings and emotional needs,
only to realize that they are losing them as days pass by.

To be able to love, one must love himself/herself first. You will never know how
it feels to be in pain, in jealousy, in love, in sympathy
unless you yourself have experienced it. Don’t confuse love with infatuation or
need. If you’re just physically attracted to a person
but you can’t be with him/her in times of need; it must be infatuation. If you
can’t let go of a person because you can’t live without
that person; it must be a need. Don’t fall in love just for the sake of falling
in love. Don’t enter into a relationship just because of a need
for companionship. Don’t get married just because you’re getting late for the
last trip. These needs, once fulfilled, will do more harm than good
to both of you. Have you tried lusting over a bar of expensive chocolate? Once
you tasted it and get tired of it, you won’t bother to eat the whole
bar. Point is, it is always tempting to get something or somebody that you know
you wouldn’t have. Countermeasure? Don’t fall in love,
get married and have kids for the wrong reasons.