Why I Left My Facebook Mommy Groups

Today, I decide to leave my four Facebook mommy groups for the following reasons:

  1. I wanted to have real-life friendship and I was not getting any of it from my mommy groups.
  2. I couldn’t stand the bullying of some members to those whom they perceived as not following their advice.
  3. The group has become a haven for humble-bragging.
  4. It affected me how some women were treated badly by their in-laws and even husband or partner but they were not empowered enough to stand on their own.
  5. It affected me to read daily rants from women who should have been empowered in the first place.

Don’t get me wrong–I enjoyed the virtual company of my mommy groups but I needed to focus on more productive things in my life like my thesis for the next semester. I have always been empathetic when it comes to people who are in trouble but I need to set my priorities, too in such a way that my professional growth will not be compromised.

 

 

Breaking the FB Habit

I love to read and that includes reading stuff that my Facebook friends post on their wall. I felt like it was my social obligation to respond through every posts by “liking.” I was also the type who would share some not-so private personal happenings for the sake of opening myself to my friends.

I have three kinds of Facebook friends:

  1. Those that are under restricted are restricted because I don’t wish to share my posts with them. They are those who offended me in the past and those who are on the habit of putting meaning to my every posts.
  2. Those that are under acquaintance are classified that way so that they wouldn’t see my pictures who are reserved only for:
  3. ……..my friends.

Facebook is too addicting because it feels so real-time. Like when I leave a comment to a friend’s post, somebody or that friend would react or reply.

Facebook has a lot of information to offer from a jet-setting friend to the current events to travel to the latest in fashion and so on and so forth.

Since Facebook is visual, it is entertaining and before you know it, it’s already 12:00 midnight. Talk about staying late online instead of going home late from a party!

Then two days ago, my Facebook app crashed so I was left with the mobile Facebook that was not as good as an eyecandy as the app. Then I realized that minus the visual factor, facebooking was just another lousy habit. I started reading historical articles again from the dalai lama in Tibet to the great Chinese dynasties in the past. Would you believe that since two days ago that I was inactive on Facebook, nobody really bothered to ask me what happened? It led me to conclude that we are too occupied with our own wall posts and something-to-share about that we failed to recognize the main purpose of this tool as a way to connect friends.

I did a mental calculation of the “friendship” that I would lose in case I discontinue my interest on Facebook and I found out that I only have a few of them that I’m frequently in contact with. Therefore, it wouldn’t hurt much to slip away from this online world.

I guess this is where maturity begins—maturity in terms of letting go of an
“addiction” to pursue greater things in life like being more productive and relevant.

The FB Connection

FB

My niece’s getaway with her cousins from her mother’s side, my younger brother’s fluctuating weight, my youngest brother’s emo posts, a friend’s promotion, a classmate’s battle with cancer, new nieces and nephews from my father’s side, hi and hellos with my cousins from both sides of my family..ah this is the Facebook age.

During the old times, my parents and I would go to a relative’s house to see the newborn baby. It was always a joyful event with titas or lolas asking the new mother how the delivery went through.

“Did you have a rough time?”
“Don’t drink cold beverages!”
“Ah, boiled guava leaves are better than betadine.”
And so on and so forth.

Little hands of excited cousins would hold the newborn.
Titas or lolas would scold us for fear of transmitting germs to the baby.
Then, there was a HERD of titas who helped the new mother take care of the child.
It was convenient. It was helpful. It felt good, for the new mother to have a lot of helping hands.

When I gave birth to my firstborn, the titas and titos were there at the hospital. One tita even breastfed my baby because no milk came out of me. Another tita patiently acted as reliever for my mother because my lola was also confined in the hospital. It felt good to have people taking care of you when you needed them most.

When I gave birth to Adi, the same tita visited me in the hospital. It felt good to have my tita and my family around even if they needed to travel from the province just to visit me. When Robi was born, the only “proof” that I gave birth was the pictures that I posted in Facebook. There were congratulatory comments, of course. I could still feel their joy for me but it was different because gone are the days of old-school practice of home visit.

How many nieces and nephews are added to our family since Facebook became popular and since some of us settled elsewhere? Two? Three? Four? Ah, they were at least six all in all. Good thing the family is connected through Facebook and if there’s one good thing that I like about this technology, it is its ability to somehow create a connection with people that we either got lost in contact or the people that we seldom see.

What If A Friend Unfriends You?

There is a tool that is capable of knowing if a Facebook friend unfriends you. Try to search it. It’s interesting to know who among your so-called friends have left you specially if you have a large number of friends on Facebook. It would have been easier to track friends if you have less than 50 friends on Facebook. My question, is it necessary to know who among your friends unfriended you? Would it hurt that much if someone leaves you on Facebook?

There are reasons why a person unfriend a friend. Here are they:
1. To avoid being exposed- Let’s get real–there are people that we feel comfortable showing our true self and there are some people that we tend to pretend being somebody we are not. If majority of his friends belong to his make-believe world, then he wouldn’t be comfortable having you around.
2. The ex-factor-If an ex suddenly unfriends you, I bet he has a new woman in his life now. Lol!
3. One sided friendship- Maybe you think you have a strong connection with that person…well, that’s what you think. He probably does not think of you in the same way.
4. You’ve done something awful- You probably did something that put your friend in embarassment. You probably uploaded his baby photo that he wouldn’t share with anyone.
5. You’re getting twittery- If you are broadcasting everything that’s happening in your life, your friends will find you attention-seeker and at times, proud!

Friendship is more than just connecting through the web. Real and honest friendships find time to communicate in the real world.

To Have or Not To Have a Facebook Account?

I had a brief chat with Nur, my Turkish friend who I have not communicated with for ages. He was the 36th person who asked me if I have a Facebook account. I told him that I don’t have one and I am still on the process of thinking if I need one. My Friendster account is inactive and I unsubscribed to Linkedin just last week. It’s only this blog that keeps me active online.

Nur said that while he was away aboard a ship, he had no opportunity to connect online and he even forgot the blogging site that he used to blog to. We share the same opinion that Facebook and Friendster have substituted the conventional way of communicating with friends. Instead of paying a visit, writing a letter or even making a call, Friendster and Facebook users just click on their friend’s page to check on how their friend is doing.

It’s good to make us of technology to connect with friends easier. But it’s still better to make that connection a little more personal by letting your friend know that you are sincere and your friendship is beyond online.