I wrote this poem when I was feeling blue. People who personally know me could attest to the many trials that I went through this year. Of course, it is never my nature to announce what’s inside my mind if it involves other people. I avoid telling my issues while I’m on top of my emotions, too.
Without going to the delicate details, I want to share pieces of my unfortunate 2020 and how I managed to trust in the process, forgive, and move on.
Before the pandemic, I lived my life as I programmed it to be. I was a busy mother and a career woman. My father depended on me since my mother passed away a decade ago. I had a huge responsibility both at home and at work. I enjoyed life, no matter how challenging it was occasionally. Friends were there whenever boredom struck. You know, I thought that it was the kind of friendship that would stand the test of times.
Honestly, I was my usual calm self when the Luzon lockdown started. I believed that the lockdown was for the best interest of the majority. Besides, I thought that it would only be temporary. I pretended to be wary of the impending economic crisis in March whenever my close friend in Malaysia opened up about her worries. I believed that the situation was under control and yes, it would just be a little sacrifice before we all get back to normal.
During the third week of the Luzon lockdown, my father succumbed to a heart attack. To make matters worse, the Covid protocol in both our provinces became more strict so I had no choice but to attend his burial through the video call. Until now, I get teary-eyed whenever I remember that day. My father’s death was sudden and without good-byes. Partially, I regret not being able to have spent more time with him because I was busy making money to support him. On the brighter side, I knew that he understood my physical absences, and had Covid did not happen, I planned to spend more time with him in the province starting 2020. I started when I went to visit him in February for his birthday.
To lessen my grief, I attended online training courses on Social Media Management, Search Engine Optimization, Social Media Marketing and even Blogging from May to June. I needed to keep myself busy and productive. I registered to jobhunting sites that provide home-based employment for me to know what employers look for in a candidate. It was also around this time when uncertainties about my employment status arose.
I have always been a career-woman and a family woman rolled into one. There were instances when family occasions had to take a back seat because of the demands of my job and my family understood it. My job was the source of my motivation that I could achieve anything in life as long as I had it. Personally and professionally, I got along with anybody at work, they were my second family. Naturally, when I felt that I was about to lose my second family, my initial reactions were grief and sadness. In between my professional issues and mourning for my father’s death, there were other painful incidents that I’d rather not talk about.
What helped me during the uncertain times were the support group that I had like my online mommy group and of course, my family and real friends. They say that misery loves company. It was during my lowest points in life when I gained new friends that have similar situations as mine. I reached out to people, gave pieces of advice when asked, and then surrendered all my worries to the Lord.
I always tell my new friends to “trust in the process” no matter how bad it seems to be. Of course, we need to forgive the people or circumstances that led us to this situation. When we forgive, we provide closure to the incident and so we don’t feel as haunted as before. When we trust in the process and believe that good things will come out of it later, we learn to move on and look forward to what life has to offer.
Despite the pains that 2020 caused me, I still believe that there are good reasons why I shed a lot of tears this year. Let us also be kinder to one another because we don’t know what we are going through these days. May we all have a better 2021!
PS: If you liked my poem, please share this post. Let us spread positivity! 🙂