Have you ever experienced that feeling when you think that you are acting not your usual self? I’ve been on the fighting mood since middle of last week. Something snapped in me when a co-worker disregarded me in one of our activities. I felt used and abused and powerless. I wouldn’t mind being disregarded had it been the first, second or even third time. But this person has a habit of treating everyone below him as thrash; I hate it. Things were not okay at the province, too; some family issues. I hate it when relatives fight with one another. I hate it even more when their judgment is clouded by emotions and pride. My toddler’s nanny got into my nerves last week. She just couldn’t get it why SECURITY was very important to me; she had a habit of leaving the door unlocked. Worse, my husband did not get it why I was upset at the nanny! The nanny had a habit of using my personal things which I found disrespectful. My husband did not make a big deal out of it and it just fueled my emotions against the nanny.
I assessed myself and discovered that I’ve always concealed my emotions in the past. That is why when I couldn’t take it, I tend to explode and turn nasty. I realize that I have the right to voice out my concerns when I am still at the “cool” stage rather than tolerate the intolerable and explode later. I had this feeling in 2009 after my mother’s death. I felt that the world was so unfair and unkind.
Life is a cycle and so are emotions. I’d like to learn how to manage my high tides and low tides.