Three Years Of Hell

Korean actors. Japanese businessmen. Ordinary people. We can all be victims of depression that may lead to taking our own lives to ease the unstoppable emotional pain. I was a victim of depression… and I managed to get out of it.

As early as ten years old, I remember feeling emotionally down and helpless. There were personal reasons that triggered it but at that very young age, I thought that maybe, it was just part of my growing up.

The first time that I thought of suicide was when I was 14 or 15 years old. It was my second time to experience depression. The first time lasted for almost a year. Fortunately, all my depressions did not affect my schooling.

In college, my third time, the depression was triggered by a bad relationship. Often, I thought of ending my life.

The worst depression that I had was in 2001 to 2004. I couldn’t sleep. I had no peace of mind. I had a stormy relationship at a time when I was so sure of my feelings and it pushed me to a downward spiral. Ironically, those were the years when I thought that I was at my best at work.

Manic-depressive. I was in a state of mania during the daytime and in a state of melancholia at nightime, when nobody could see the tears falling from my eyes.

I tried to ask for help and support from my then bf and my late mother. But no matter how much they loved me and cared for me, they just couldn’t understand that depression really exists. It takes one to know one; they wouldn’t know the feeling because they didn’t experience it.

In 2004, I had a brief talk with one of my friends named Fred. I told him that I had enough of everything negative that was going through in my life and I shared the reasons why I was depressed. His words were full of positive energy, some of it rubbed off on me.

Little by little, I managed to survive. Little by little, the pain was subsiding. I was fully healed in 2004! All it took was one kind word from a friend who never judged me why I was depressed.

Rationale, we could have avoided these suicides if we would be emphatic on family or friends who need emotional support. And if we are the ones who need emotional support, let’s remove our pride and seek help from family and trusted friends.

I was depressed and in a hellish state for three years and yet I managed to get out of it WITHOUT even taking Prozac. You, too can manage. Celebrate life!

2 thoughts on “Three Years Of Hell

  1. Your story is inspiring. I’ve been going through a tough time because my parents are getting divorced. My boyfriend and his family have given me endless amounts of support and I don’t think I would be able to get through it without their kind words. Feeling that connection with someone is powerful and your right, more people should just listen.

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    • Hi!

      Correct—we just need someone to LISTEN. We don’t need someone who’ll tell us that “IT’S JUST DEPRESSION!”

      Just like me, I know that in time, you’ll manage to get out of it. Celebrate life! Life may not be happy but we can stay cheerful!

      ~Iris

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