Letter to my ex-fiance’:
It’s been a long while since we last saw each other. I still remember the day when I last saw you: sad, confused and distant. I thought that it must be the long travel from the South to the Central part of the country.
I went to my parents’ house in the province on that same day, hopeful that things would be much better for the two of us. I texted you and told you how much I was missing you for the past six months of our on-again off-again relationship. You never claimed that it was still a relationship after you decided to let go of me six months earlier. I thought otherwise. I thought that it was just another big fight that I would be willing to swallow my pride and deflate my ego if it would mean total reconciliation for us.
You replied that it was nothing, that your uneasiness was just a mood swing, that everything would just be fine soon. I believed. I believed in everything you said inspite of what the logic said otherwise. I believed in you. I believed that miracles could still happen. Who stole your heart?
It was a long and painful journey to recovery. There were times when I was in denial. There were times when I was just too depressed to carry on with life. (Thanks to Alma and Joel! They made me feel still worthy of living.) I was too scared to lose you. I felt too weak to move on. A part of me said that it was over; a part of me said that we could still go on.
Logically, I knew you were in love with someone else but I could not convince myself that it was real. I never did anything that would make you fall out of love with me. Maybe I was just too naive. Maybe I didn’t took the hint well.
You said that you feel guilty for leaving me. You said that I should find someone better than you. I cried a river when I read your text message about it.
When God closes a door, a window is left opened. I met several dashing bachelors but none of them captured my heart, much more, my interest. I felt that there was no love, only good impression of them.
Along came Miel. He is not as goodlooking as you, not as intelligent as you, not as tall as you, not as fair as you, not as moneyed as you but he loves me so much and accepts me for who I am. I am beginning to feel something for him. It must be love. He visits me in my apartment and my neighbors know him already as my boyfriend. You should see the look in their eyes because they thought that you and me are married!
I want this closure for us. I don’t intend to send this letter to you since you stopped communicating with me. I want to end all my hopes for a reconciliation. I want to give my new man a chance to prove himself. It will not happen if I am still very much hopeful.
Thank you for all the love, the pretensions, the pain, the laughter, the tears— you made me a forgiving person. Thank you for everything.